This is the kind of ache that darkness is made of. As the candlelight climbs the walls an overwhelming loneliness fills me making my bones rattle and shake until all that’s left is a beating heart in a cage of ribs pumping and begging and screaming. This is the kind of darkness that makes me ache.
Today, stars committed suicide, catapulting themselves from above, dressing the sky in sparks and rainbows to honor a superhuman, a spirit so magnificent that space was reserved for him in the clouds.
Just sit back and enjoy the show, David. It’s time we showed our thanks.
Updated: Sep 6, 2022
I remember very few things in detail, and this memory I will be recalling is not unlike most others. I hope you will bear with me until the end, though.
Years ago, I was in one of the many poetry classes I took at CSUN, quite bored and ready to go home for the night, when the professor decided to play us a reading of one of the poems we were studying on YouTube. I had mixed feelings about this until the moment I heard the voice from the speakers. Immediately, goosebumps formed on my arms, butterflies fluttered in my belly and a shock of electricity zoomed through my veins.
Alan Rickman. There was no hesitation in my brain. I searched the room in hopes of finding another pair of eyes that would connect with mine, telling me that the flood of emotions I felt were mutual. However, that didn’t happen. I was saddened, thinking to myself, “Really?!”
Moments later when we were at least halfway through the poem, someone finally said “Isn’t that Harry Potter’s voice?” Ew. That’s all I could think as I, probably rudely, turned and pointed out, “It’s Alan Rickman’s voice. He played Snape.” Still, nobody understood. I was alone in this class full of people also in their twenties, who I could not relate to. I wanted to go home even more.
I wish I could remember exactly which poem it was that we listened to in class. My best guess is that it was C.S. Lewis’ “A Grief Observed,” so I am sharing it with you all. Plus, there is a line that resonates now more than ever.
Alan Rickman, you and your voice will live on forever as legends. I will always feel those same emotions each time I see or hear you. I will try to push past my anger and celebrate you. Thank goodness for a long weekend that I can fill with memories of your talent and voice. Thank you for all of the beauty you left behind.
