Again Because

I told someone recently that I didn’t want to fall in love or have a committed relationship because I had already done that. She told me it was a lifetime ago and that it was time to try again. It is in this moment I felt most misunderstood.

I don’t want to fall in love again because I know that no other love could ever compare to our epic failure of a love story.

I don’t want to fall in love again because nobody could make me feel as much as you did, and that’s only partially due to the walls you secured into place when you left me behind.

I don’t want to fall in love again because nobody can ever give me the dysfunctional destruction that we called true love.

I don’t want to fall in love again because if I do then six years after we ended, it will finally be so true that I can’t deny or ignore it anymore.

I don’t want to fall in love again because there’s no person in this world I will allow the power I so easily and willingly offered to you.

I don’t want to fall in love again because if I do, then that will mean that I have finally fallen out of love with you, and I’m just not sure that my heart would have any other reason to beat.